Grace Filled Lemons

There was a time I didn’t trust God with my illnesses.

I prayed, and nothing got better. I read Scripture, but my body still burned with pain, trembled with fatigue, collapsed under symptoms no one could explain. I thought maybe I was being punished. Or forgotten. Or simply too complicated for healing. And I was angry.

Not just the quiet kind of angry.

The guttural, heart-deep ache of “Why would You let this happen to me?”

I looked around at people running, thriving, eating whatever they wanted, raising babies with ease, living full lives in bodies that didn’t betray them.

And I didn’t just feel left out.

I felt left behind.

But something changed.

Not all at once. There was no lightning bolt or miracle cure.

There was surrender. One slow drop of grace at a time.

One whispered “help me trust You” in the middle of the night.

One desperate moment where I realized:

I didn’t need to understand His plan to be held inside it.

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Chronic Illness + Trust: What Changed

I stopped believing my body had to be perfect to be used by God.

I stopped measuring His goodness by how “better” I felt.

I started asking a different question:

Instead of Why me?

I asked Where are You in this?

And the answer was always the same:

Right here. Still with you. Always Jesus.

I started noticing how His mercy met me on the hard days — through unexpected kindness, a burst of energy just when I needed it, a soft word from someone who understood.

I stopped needing healing to prove His love.

And I started seeing my body — fragile, complex, often exhausted — as the sacred place where He still dwells.

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Wholiopathic Insight: Chronic Illness + Nervous System Care

Living with chronic illness means our nervous system is constantly under pressure. Pain, fatigue, overstimulation, trauma — they keep us stuck in survival mode.

But here’s the truth:

God did not design your nervous system to suffer endlessly.

He designed it to return to safety.

And even when it can’t return in the ways we wish — through full health, or energy, or stamina — He is the safety we seek.

Some practices that have helped me:

• Daily grounding with prayer — even just 2 minutes with a rosary in my palm
• Gentle nourishment — warm teas, broths, simple spelt bread, magnesium-rich foods
• Saying “no” without guilt and protecting my energy like a sacred resource
• Letting myself grieve when a flare derails my plans
• Letting myself hope that joy can still meet me in a limited body

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Journaling Prompts for the Weary Body + Hopeful Heart

1. What lies have I believed about my body and God’s love?
2. What truth do I need to hear today?
3. When did I last feel the peace of His presence in my suffering?
4. What might it look like to stop striving and simply be held?

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 A Prayer for Surrender in Chronic Illness

Jesus, You know what it means to suffer.

You lived in a body that felt pain. You wept. You bled. You surrendered.

And so I bring You my own ache — the questions, the exhaustion, the confusion.

Not because I need instant healing… but because I need You.

Be near to me in this body. Be near in the flare, the fatigue, the fear.

Help me surrender to what is — and trust You with what will be.

Let grace fill even this.

Amen.

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Until next time,

May you be gentle with your body, tender with your grief, and open to the quiet ways He is loving you back to life.

Your suffering is not wasted.

Your healing is already underway.

Held by grace. Healed by mercy. Always Jesus.

From my Grace Filled Lemons heart to yours.

Laura